Posts Tagged ‘Oromë Aldaron’

#43: Ow, The Light! My Eyes! Again!!!

Apr
21

Date: January 1st, 1 F.A. (Years of the Sun)
My Mood Is: excruciated

Auuuugh!

Just when you think those filthy, Elf-loving Valar traitors are out of your fur, they pull some ridiculous stunt!

Last night I was overseeing the feeding and brushing of the Orc-spawn, weeding out and gobbling down the weak ones, when Carcharoth came yelping into Angband, complaining about some horrible light in the sky. I went out to take a look.

It seems Aulë, my clueless and talent-free ex-boss, rescued some of the light from one of those idiotic trees, and used it to create a moon. Well, The Moon, because they’re never going to be able to pull this shit again. Some guy Tilion, a Maia of Oromë, was hauling this big, round white piece of junk across the sky — our sky that was so beautiful and black before Varda vomited stars all over it.

Well, Melkor and I were still debating which of us would kill Tilion and which would consume The Moon, denying the world its light forever, when the unthinkable happened.

From the East, a terrible bright burning started to rise from the horizon, which resolved into a bright, white light shifted toward the yellow. The firmament turned blue as this terrible light extinguished The Moon and the stars.

Then a burning ball of fire rose into the sky. It would have been the most beautiful thing in the world, if we had made it, all burning hydrogen and deadly radiation — but its fiery light was poisoned and diluted by the weak, golden radiance saved from the dried out husk of one of those trees.

I could feel its heat on my face even from tens of thousands of miles away. And now the whole world was baking under its merciless calefaction, and all those things that love the night and the dark and fear and teeth, like my beloved wolves, were forced to hide in the rocks and dirt.

Those assholes!

Well, Melkor wasn’t going to put up with this shit. He and I and a hundred Balrogs sped into the sky, and by the time the fiery orb had settled below the horizon in the West, we had caught up to Tilion. He and Melkor fought, while the rest of us assailed the orb — but its cold light burned, and my flesh and fur were seared, and several of the Balrogs were extinguished.

We made a strategic retreat, and Melkor sits on his throne in the Nethermost Pits even as I write, devising ways to eradicate the Moon, and the Sun, as they are calling it.

We found out that Arien steers the Sun through the sky, which has caused a big uproar here in Angband. She was one of the most powerful of the Fire Spirits back in the Timeless Halls (and one of the hottest, too — in both senses of the word).

It’s inconceivable to us that one so worthy would join with the Valar traitors, and assail us with fire, which is our element, not theirs. She’s going to have to be destroyed — unless I can turn her…

Imagine hurling the Sun right smack dab into the center of Valimar, the City of the Valar! How cool would that be?

#37: I Will KILL Elu Thingol!

Apr
10

Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time began
My Mood Is: murderous

You will not believe what I just found out. I don’t even know where to begin. I — I can’t believe it.

Some background: when Oromë (he’s a stupid Earth spirit who imagines himself a great huntsman) “found” the Elves, many years AFTER I found them, he lured three of them back to Valinor so they could get all impressed by the stupid trees and return to con the rest of the Elves into going to Valinor to worship the Valar traitors. Which they did.

So these three Elves led the rest across Eriador AND Beleriand. They weren’t marching in ordered groups, either. They just kind of wandered. It took DECADES.

So the first two groups get to the coast of the Belegaer, the Great Sea, and of course they don’t have boats because boats haven’t been invented yet. Whatever a “boat” is. For once, the Valar do something with style, and rip off a big chunk of land for the Elves to ride on. This portable island takes off across the sea, and Huzzah! my Elf infestation problem is solved.

EXCEPT — the last group doesn’t go. They can’t find their leader, Elwë — he just up and vanished one day, and no, it wasn’t because of me. Remember, I wanted them to go, as quickly as possible.

Eventually, they took off without Elwë, and I forgot about the whole thing. Until today, when one of my spies informed me that Elwë was still alive, and founding his own kingdom among the Sindar, aka the “Grey Elves.” He’s even calling himself Elu Thingol, “King Greymantle.”

Which is bad enough. But — and here’s where words fail me, so I’ll just get it out.

HE MARRIED MELIAN.

MY MELIAN.

What?? How??? I mean — WHAT?????? First of all, why was she even in Middle Earth at all? Why would she fall in love with a MORTAL??? And a stupid Elf at that? Is this even allowed, Maiar shtupping Mortals? I mean, it’s disgusting! It’s like you having sex with your dog!

Is she CRAZY? Why? I just want to know why she did this.

Oh, and I’m going to KILL Elu Thingol. Count on it.

#33: A Minor Setback

Dec
21

Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time began
My Mood Is: resigned

As you know, we just spent the last eon preparing for the third and final war against the stinking rebel Valar. Now one would think that with all this preparation, with all our forces rested, equipped and marshaled, with not one but two mighty fortresses, and with right on our side, we might have managed to hold off a surprise Valar assault.

Except we didn’t.

My spies tell me it was Oromë, an unrepentant drunk with an anger management problem, who discovered the Elves after we did. As you know, we invited a bunch of the little dipshits to Utumno, where they are undergoing improvements. But I guess some of the ingrate Elves complained to Oromë, who fled back to Manwë and told him we were being mean to the pointy-eared morons.

So Manwë finally grew a set of balls and the Valar marched out to attack. We met them in the northeast of Middle Earth, and the battle was fierce. I was almost destroyed, the Valar and their Maiar slaves fought so fiercely. They spent millennia ignoring Middle-Earth and hiding behind their mountains, but the moment some stupid Elves get inconvenienced, the Valar come running? What the hell is up with that?

In the end, it was a rout, and we had to retreat to Utumno. The great walls of Utumno have held the Valar at bay for the moment, while we sit in the pit and nurse our wounds. Melkor sits in the Uttermost Depths, sulking. I really, really hate to admit it, but I’m beginning to think that maybe Melkor doesn’t always know what he’s doing.

Oh shit, the Valar just came over the tops of the walls. I gotta go.

#15: “Valar” and “Maiar?” I Didn’t Sign Up for That!

Sep
22

Date: Before the Sun and Moon
My Mood Is: let down

Well, we’ve gotten started on building and assembling the World of Arda. Melkor is doing most of the heavy lifting, of course, taking charge of the project and overseeing all the lesser spirits.

Most of the work has involved the spontaneous generation of matter and energy. I’m proud to say the Fire Spirits have been most helpful in this matter, and the most eager to bend to the wisdom of Melkor. I’ve been spending a lot of time corralling the useless Earth, Air and Water Spirits. These morons are all over the map, and Creation would be nothing but a muddy pile if someone didn’t whip these imbeciles into shape.

I saw Melian today. She looked great. I wanted to say hello, but I was too nervous.

Anyway. Of course, we got trouble right away from the Manwë/Ulmo contingent. Neither of these guys had any clout back in the Timeless Halls — but come to Arda, and all of a sudden they think they’re gods or something. Melkor was second only to Eru back in the Halls; that means he’s second to NO ONE in Arda.

I suspect this is something Manwë and Ulmo will have to be taught. Eventually.

To shut up some of the noisier Ainur, Melkor came up with a plan, and I really don’t like it. Fifteen of the Ainur, eight male and seven female, are to be anointed “Valar,” or Greater Spirits. The rest will be “Maiar,” or Lesser Spirits.

I’m to be a Maia. SAURON DOES NOT APPROVE.

Melkor spent a long time calming me down, and explaining this to me. He says he needs me to work directly under him; that as Second-in-Command to the Greatest of the Valar, I will be the second most powerful, the Greatest of the Maiar.

Bullshit.

He also says he’s setting up Manwë, Ulmo, Oromë and the others. They’ll accept all this power and responsibility, and fail — then it will be clear that all power should accrue to Melkor. And me.

Now Huan is telling me he’s HAPPY to be a Maia. What a dumbass.