Posts Tagged ‘Captivity of Melkor’

#35: The Elves Are Going To Valinor — Good Riddance!

Jan
21

Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time began
My Mood Is: disgusted

I’ve managed to convert a couple of Elves to my cause, through threats, cajoling, and the terror of my eyes. I don’t get much info from them — it’s hard to get them to come out into the woods to worship me.

That’s right, I said worship. So what? I’m a freakin’ god. Of course mortals should should worship me — what else are they good for?

But Sauron, you might say, wasn’t it your own hatred of worshiping Eru that led you to leave the Timeless Halls in the first place? Yes, it was. But with Eru it was all about the worship. I’m a much more interesting god. I deserve worship — Eru never did.

Anyway, occasionally they come out to my hiding place in the wild to worship me and bring me news. I can understand their hesitation — the first time they visited me, I accidentally ate some of them. BTW, Elf really does taste like chicken.

So you won’t believe the news they brought me today. The filthy Valar have invited all the Elves to join them in Valinor. Seriously.

And not only that, but they expect the Elves to walk all the way across Eriador and Belariand. That’s like 6,000 miles or something. These guys are supposedly gods, and they can’t figure out a way to teleport the Elves to Valinor? I could manage it. At the very least, I’d get the stupid Eagles to carry them.

I had a hard time trying to figure out what the Valar are up to with this. Are they building an army? Do they need slaves? Do they covet the females? Then I realized — they want worshipers. And not just worshipers to live out in The World; they want someone to grovel right at their feet.

Disgusting. At least I would let the Elves live on their own, apart from some tithes and the occasional Elven sacrifice.

#34: A Strategic Withdrawal

Jan
4

Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time began
My Mood Is: disgusted

Everything has turned to shit, and it’s Melkor’s fault.

There, I said it. Out loud. This is Melkor’s fault. He led us down here, into this tiny World, and all at once he lost control of it. Now Melkor is a prisoner of the Valar traitors, and I’m fucked.

The Valar stormed the gates of Utumno. Hundreds of loyal spirits, even a few of the balrogs, were destroyed, their fëar doomed to wander the world’s dark places as immaterial shadows until the end of time. Which is really distressing.

Most of us, the Hosts of Fire and Ice and Darkness and Death, fled or were scattered. Some sued for mercy and joined with the Valar and Maiar — and I will not be forgetting their names. Melkor himself was wrestled to the ground by Tulkas, and led to Valinor in chains.

I wasn’t there to see it. Because I fled.

You wanna call me a coward? Do it to my face. I will consume you. If I had stayed in Utumno, then I’d be in chains before the “throne” of Manwë the Dickless Prick right now.

Angband has fallen, but its foundations still stand. I dare not return there yet. I am hiding in the far East, keeping a low profile. But I will return.

Let Melkor rot in Valinor. If he can’t stand against the Valar, then he deserved what he gets. I am still free. I will rebuild Angband, and when my wrath is unleashed against the Valar, I will destroy them finally and utterly.

Crap. I can’t believe I’m all alone out here.