Posts Tagged ‘Avari’

#61: It’s a New Age — the Age of Sauron!

Apr
1

Date: January 2, 38 S.A.
My Mood Is: optimistic

Well, I’m definitely feeling better after the complete and abject disaster that was the War of Wrath. The truth is, losing Tol-in-Gaurhoth, Angband, most of my friends and servants, and especially Melkor may have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

Of course I didn’t take up Eönwë on his ridiculous offer to accept my surrender. But I’m not sorry I let him live, and Olórin and that other guy, the sniveling one. And even Melian. It’s the new Sauron — wise, merciful, and forgiving.

But anyone who thinks I’m going across the sea to Aman to kiss the speckled white ass of Manwë Súlimo can suck my werewolf schlong.

Sorry. That wasn’t the new Sauron.

Anyway. I have settled permanently in Eriador, in the western end of a massive forest, near Young Man Willow and the River Baranduin. No tower or fortress or anything, at least not yet; I’m enjoying just living amongst the trees. New Sauron and all that.

I’m done with wearing a werewolf form, actually. I have to be careful about choosing a hröa — I noticed that every time Melkor suffered a defeat, he lost part of his ability to shape-shift. Must be some piddling little rule of Eru’s that He forgot to mention — again. But as a result, I’m sticking to pleasing, Elvenoid shapes; usually a tall, handsome, dark-haired Elf of seemingly Vanyarin lineage. I’m avoiding Melkor’s whole spiky-armor giant-spaulder pointy-boot glowing-red-eyes fashion-disaster thing, and going with simple blue robes that say “I’m a really wise guy and I’m here to help you.”

See, here’s what I figure. On the one hand, the Valar have made it perfectly clear they have no interest in the proper administration and development of Middle-earth. The only time they interfere is when Melkor or I get too successful; then, wracked with jealousy, Manwë and his buddies submerge a continent. So it’s in my best interest to not attract the attention of the Valar.

On the other hand, most of Melkor’s enemies are gone. The Valar have gone home, obviously. Just about all the Noldoran Elves, and a good number of the rest of the Eldar, have left Middle-earth to go live in Aman. And all the Men who defied Melkor and aided the Valar have been relocated to an island far off across the Belegaer, where they can’t harm anyone. That just leaves a literal handful of Eldar; the Avaran Elves; a few million Men who have never heard of the Valar; and some Dwarves.

And me. The new Sauron.

So I’m going to let a few centuries pass, and let the Valar (and the remaining Eldar) forget about Sauron Gorthaur. Then I’ll reappear under a new name, and set about creating a New World Order, with Men and Elves living and working together in peace and prosperity. All under the benevolent eye of the only Maia with the steadfastness to hang around and do the right thing.

The new Sauron, Lord of the Earth. Benevolent Lord of the Earth.

Then when all the Children of Ilúvatar are on my side, we can see about getting rid of some of these trees and installing a volcano around here.

#36: The Orcs Are Coming Along Nicely, Thank You

Apr
5

Date: Before the Sun and Moon, but after the Count of Time began
My Mood Is: vomitous

Well, the elves have pretty much left Middle Earth. That’s not to say they all accepted the “invitation” from Valinor — lots of elves stayed behind. The so-called “Eldar,” who have wandered off to grovel at the feet of the Valar traitors, call the elves who stayed behind “Dark Elves.” I call them “tomorrow’s loyal thralls.”

I have spies amongst the Eldar, of course. And when the Elves balked at traveling across the sea, I assumed a pleasing form and walked among them. Yes, I encouraged them to flee to the Uttermost West.

Why, you ask? Well first of all, I don’t need them. The new “Melkorized Elves” we’ve been working on are coming along nicely. I’ve even invented a language for them, The Black Speech. In that tongue they call themselves “uruk.” But they’re not ready for prime time, yet. Soon.

Second, this is the perfect way to get my spies into Valinor. Right now, I have no idea what’s going on over there. And I fear I don’t have the power to pass through Valinor unheeded, not with those stupid trees radiating light everywhere.

I need to know what they did with Melkor. Is he a prisoner? Or was he banished from the world?

Or… did he “repent” and join with the Valar? I hate to even think it. When Carcharoth dared to suggest it, I clawed him to within an inch of his life. But secretly, I fear it’s a possibility.

Melkor begging forgiveness from The Dickless Prick — it makes me want to vomit just thinking about it. Then again, he could be cozening up to Manwë, planning to betray him later.

I have no way of knowing. These stupid Elves need to travel faster, and get to Valinor already. Maybe I’ll set some Wargs on their tail.