#3: Melkor Seems Like a Really Cool Guy


Date: Before the Beginning of Time
My Mood Is: Elated

Today I was wandering around the Outer Airs, trying to find kindred Ainur, anyone who was annoyed as I was about all the singing. I mean, is this how we’re going to spend eternity? Because I’m tired of it already.

Well, I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going, and after a while I found myself in the Proximal Umbra, well nigh to Eru Ilúvatar Himself. Do you know what it means to be so close to the physical being of the All High Ruler of the Universe?

It means the music is LOUD.

So I was going to head back down into the Nether Orbs when I heard a voice say, “What dost thou seek in the lofty airs, o Sauron, spirit of Craft?”

This was Melkor. Melkor! Greatest of the Ainur, closest in the counsels of Eru. Talking to me! I mean, this guy is practically Assistant God.

So I started talking, and I wasn’t going to confide in him about my issues, because I’m not stupid. But he was so charming and genuinely interested, that after a while I told him everything about the singing, and the waste of our talents, and the Secret Flame.

Get this — Melkor feels exactly the same way!

I think he was actually relieved to find someone else who thinks along the same lines. He’s even going to hold a meeting with some of the other Ainur to talk about it, and he wants me to come!

Hey, as long as there’s no singing, I’ll be there.

It was a good day. I really think great things might come out of this. I’m really glad I ran into Melkor.

#2: Aulë — Dumb As a Sack of Hammers


Date: Before the Beginning of Time
My Mood Is: Exasperated

Went to go see Aulë about the singing. Guess what he was doing? SINGING! Wouldn’t shut up, either, even to hear what I had to say.

And let me tell you, Aulë can NOT sing. Sounds like someone strangling a sea lion. Whatever a “sea lion” is.

I’m sick of having to report to this dumb fuck. I need a new superior. I’m going to shop around. We can do that, can’t we?

I’d ask, but everyone’s too busy SINGING.

#1: I’m Really Getting Tired of Singing All the Time


Date: Before the Beginning of Time
My Mood Is: Annoyed

Eru has everyone singing again. What’s up with that? We have the entire Void to deal with, plus the rumor mill says there’s something called a “Secret Flame,” that Ilúvatar is supposedly keeping all to Himself.

But we’re just singing. Tra la dee da.

I’m going to complain.