#6: Eru’s Arrogance Is Pissing Me Off


Date: Before the Beginning of Time
My Mood Is: rueful

Okay, Aulë is off mooning over that bitch Yavanna – I can see to whom she wants to “give her fruits,” if you know what I mean. Anyway, I have time to work on my blog.

So Melkor and I showed Eru how much we could improve on His music, but the Big Guy just went ape-shit. This was after he invited us to improve on his theme – I know I keep harping on that, but what did he expect?

So Eru shuts everyone up, and then summons Melkor to come forward. I would have gone up there too, but Aulë was giving me this murderous look. I am so tired of that stupid lunkhead. I have ten times his talent. You know Quantum Chromodynamics? That was ALL ME.

Anyway, Melkor goes up before Eru, and I must say he looked pretty nervous. I was afraid Ilúvatar was going to punish Melkor in some really drastic way – uncreate him or something. It had never occurred to me before that Eru held such dreadful power over us.

I don’t like it.

Eru says, “Mighty are the Ainur, and mightiest among them is Melkor.”

That’s an encouraging start, I thought.

Then Eru went into spin control. Seems He has decided to take the music we all created – Eru’s theme and Melkor’s – and use it as a kind of blueprint to build a world in the Void!

So let me get this straight – He’s mad because we wrecked his song, but He’s going to use that song to create the Universe?

“And thou, Melkor, shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me,” He says, “nor can any alter the music in My despite. For he that attempteth this shall prove but Mine instrument in the devising of things more wonderful, which he himself hath not imagined.”

Let me translate that for you. “Thou, Melkor, have embarrassed Me by writing a better song. But everything you do is really all Me anyway. So suck it.”

Eru is being an arrogant prick. I know, I shouldn’t say things like that. But c’mon, I’m right, aren’t I?

I gotta say, Melkor did not look happy. But he just stood there and bit his tongue. Whatever a tongue is.

Oh, crap! Here comes Aulë. I’ll finish later.


3 Responses to “#6: Eru’s Arrogance Is Pissing Me Off”

  1. Gothmog says:

    You certainly are right!

    I like how you sum it all up, in a straightforward manner. All those “thee”s and “thou” s and “hath”s may impress weepy saps like Olorin, but it’s awfully pretentious.

    Eru is lucky to have people who stand on principle, like you and Melkor.

    Say, when Eru was talking about that blueprint/world Arda/ thingie, did the subject of “fire” come up at all? I’m really interested in that, whatever it is.

    I tried to listen after The Big Note That Cuts Everyone Off, but Olorin was blubbering about the passing of beauty, or some crap like that, and I couldn’t hear well. What a tool he is.

  2. Sauron says:

    Olorin? Who the hell is that? I’ve never heard of him. Sure sounds like a tool.

  3. Námo says:

    You will hear of him, Sauron. I will make it so.

Leave a Reply