#79: In Which I Go on a Gift-Giving Spree


Date: June 12, 2204 S.A.
My Mood Is: crafty

Annatar, Lord of Gifts, is back in business, and business is good. I have distributed all 16 of my Rings of Power, and now I’m just waiting for the payoff.

The Dwarves were the easiest to trick — no surprise there, anything created by Aulë is going to be dumb as a post, just like its creator. All I had to do was hint to my Dwarven contacts that some magic rings were available, and the poor stupid bastards came to me.

First I got a delegation from Khazad-dûm, demanding magic rings from me — their king, Durin the Umpteenth, claimed that the rings were made with Moria-gold, and so were rightfully his. So I pretended for a while I didn’t want to give up any rings, and then “caved” to the pressure. The Khazad-dûm Dwarves got three rings, and then I gave another two to the Dwarves of Belegost and another two to Nogrod. Anyway, as long as these stumpy morons take care of their rings (and don’t let then get eaten by dragons), I will soon rule the Dwarven race!

Men have been more difficult to ensnare, as any King of Men with the power and intelligence to be worth ensaring tends to have friends amongst the accursed Elves and their Númenórean allies. But I have managed to find nine who will make useful servants — three of them are Númenórean Sea-Kings, so-called “Black Númenóreans,” whose fear of death led them to accept my rings; and one was even a woman. The first to accept a ring, El-Murazor, is now over 500 years old, and just beginning to feel “thin” and “stretched.” He can’t see it, but he’s beginning to get permanently transparent — within 50 years he’ll be a full-blown wraith. Then he’s all mine.

And when I have total control over nine Kings of Men and seven Kings of the Dwarves, the Elves will have lost all their allies in Middle-Earth. Then all I have to worry about is the damned Númenóreans, and I have a few ideas on that front. Yes, I do.

Bwa ha ha. BWA HA HA. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Well, dinner is ready, gotta go. Later tonight I’m gonna spend a few hours polishing  my Ring — it’s precious to me, and I like to spend time with it. No, that’s not weird. It’s mine, my own… my precious.


7 Responses to “#79: In Which I Go on a Gift-Giving Spree”

  1. Mordor Financial Controller says:

    Did you get receipts for those rings?

    We can write them off as a marketing expense.

  2. KLO says:

    Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out my Lord. Smooth sailin from here on…..

  3. Kelvardil says:

    Told you the dwarves would do anything to get those rings.

  4. Smaug says:

    I have to ask. How did you solve the “Take Off the Ring” bug?

  5. Ghost of one of your orcs says:

    Well, things finally seem sorted out. I mean, what are the chances that a dragon could get into a dwarven city? I mean, a giant flying lizard going underground? Those rings are safe.

  6. Ashi says:

    Gift-giving is good Karma, I see this paying off in the end.

  7. KLO says:

    Uh…. my Lord……. uh…… where are yee?? Have you gone out into the void??
    Are you hangin out in Taur-nu-fuin again???
    Vampires….. sheeesh.

Leave a Reply