#72: LIVEBLOGGING: Sauron Gorthaur is Triumphant!!!!

Aug
12

Date: March 25th, 1601 S.A.
My Mood Is: triumphant

Today is the culmination of all my plans. Today, Sauron Gorthaur reappears and takes his rightful place as Lord of All Middle-earth. Today I am triumphant!

And today is my birthday!

So I’m liveblogging this. I want everyone to share in the glory of my inevitable victory. Pay attention for updates!

8:46 am

First, some background. Celebrimbor betrayed me and created three Elven Rings without me, so he could give one to Galadriel, his erstwhile girlfriend, and one to Gil-Galad, his supposed king. It’s okay — those boneheads would never have accepted any Rings I helped make. It all supports PHASE TWO of Project Magic Ring, which concludes today!

So right now, the three of them are wearing the Rings that Celebrimbor made — that he made using the knowledge I taught him. One Ring of Fire, one of Water, one of Air.

All waiting for ME to seize control!

9:30 am

Just arrived at the Sammath Naur, what the Orcs call “The Cracks of Doom” because I’m always throwing them down them. This is a large, stylish opening I fashioned in the side of Mount Orodruin, my personal volcano. (You should seriously consider getting a personal volcano. They’re tight.)

I’ve been experimenting here with various kinds of magma-based jewelry-making, and I’m certain I’m ready. Today is the day!

12:26 pm

Curses! It’s tough to do fine detail work with magma. I dropped my first attempt into the lava, and it melted — a whole morning’s work ruined. My creation will be indestructible, except here in the lava of the Cracks of Doom. It’s only a -1 disad because after all, what are the chances someone would march all the way through Mordor to throw the thing into the volcano? Zero, that’s what.

Anyway, now starting on Mark II.

4:12 pm

Okay, I have crafted a Ring that will be a vessel for the majority of my fëa. Like I said before, if I put a majority of my power into a magical talisman, I can use my Maia powers in a variety of ways simultaneously. And more importantly, I will be able to exert absolute control over whomever wears the Elven Rings. Control the Lords of the Wise, and you control Middle-earth!

Now it’s time to place my power into the Ring. This will require quite a few eldritch magicks, several unholy ceremonies, and a lot of human sacrifices. Better get to work.

9:43 pm

Exhausted. Must rest. One of my eyes red and fiery — maybe an infection. But experiment a success; the better part of my power now resides in the Ring. It’s beautiful, the crowning achievement of a long career. I don’t think I have ever made anything so subtle, so clever, so simple. So precious.

It sits in my hand, cooling — almost down to 1,000 degrees now. I can’t stop looking at it. But it’s more than jewelry; this Ring is a weapon. One that I will use to turn the Children of Ilúvatar to my service. Then I will destroy the Valar traitors and their Maiar slaves, kill those who betrayed me, and — if he’s lucky, and I’m feeling lenient — rescue Melkor from the Outer Dark.

But first… must rest.

11:58 pm

It’s time.

Every one of the 16 magic rings Celebrimbor and I created has a “back door,” a line of magical code that allows me to “hack in” and exert control over the fëa of the wearer. Ol’ Kelly doesn’t know that, of course. He created his three Elven Rings using the same technique. Once I put on this Ring, the Lords of the Wise will be my slaves!

Then they will know for a fact that Annatar, Lord of Gifts is truly SAURON, LORD OF THE EARTH! All will bow before me and DESPAIR!

Their three Rings will be slaves to my One! One Ring to rule them all! One Ring to find them! One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them! Yes! YES!!!

I am putting on the One Ring — NOW!

Oh, the power! I can see EVERYTHING! It’s as if Arda were young again, back when we Ainur wore no hröar! When we were spirits of perfect energy, our faces bare against the world!

And now I can feel the rings — the 16 lesser rings, and there! The three Elven Rings! All three in Lindon, where those idiots sit together, planning great deeds! I can hear their thoughts and see into their souls!

Sorry, morons! Listen up! I AM SAURON! I possess the Ring of Power! And from now on, I AM IN CHARGE!

Wait, what? What’s going on? Something’s wrong!

I can’t read their minds any more! The connection is broken! But how? How is that possible?

They… they…

They took off the Rings.

THEY TOOK OFF THE RINGS?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

2 Responses to “#72: LIVEBLOGGING: Sauron Gorthaur is Triumphant!!!!”

  1. Kelvardil Ingolmo says:

    Foolproof. Riiiiiiight.

  2. Vorrandor says:

    The “One-Ring-to-rule-them-all”-Stuff is quite good. Maybe you should consider writing it down somewhere.

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