#71: Nineteen Rings for the Elven-kings Under the Sky

Aug
7

Date: March 15, 1523 S.A.
My Mood Is: pleased

Project Magic Ring, my co-effort with Celebrimbor of Eregion to create a series of powerful magic rings (hence the name), is proving a tremendous success. So far, the Elf and I have created 16 rings, each with a different enchantment on it that conveys upon the wearer a specific magic ability.

The Invisibility Ring is our favorite. Ol’ Kelly (that’s what I call Celebrimbor) is quite the prankster, and he has played many a saucy jape against this or that Elf-maiden of the Gwaith-i-Mírdain whilst unseen. He’s quite a card. The Elf-maids don’t appreciate the humor, though. I’m not sure why.

I myself am most proud of the Spirit Presence Ring, the Eye of Far-Seeing Ring, and the Ring of Sexual Prowess. That last was my idea, and it’s for Celebrimbor, so to encourage him to seek the hand of Galadriel (and the death of that grinning idiot Celeborn). And by “seek the hand” of Galadriel, I mean he should seek something else. Heh heh heh.

You know what I mean. Heh heh.

You know. Heh.

Her vagina.

Anyway. Even as we have finished these rings, I have learned something astonishing, but which plays into my plans perfectly.

Celebrimbor is betraying me.

So why am I in such a good mood? Shouldn’t ol’ Sauron Gorthaur be seeking revenge against yet another traitorous, so-called “friend?” Ah, but that would be Sauron Gorthaur. I am Annatar, remember?

Celebrimbor has decided to forge three “secret” Elven rings behind my back. How did I discover this? Remember I have to take off every once in a while — I call them “sabbaticals” — when in fact I’m off to Mordor, or visiting my properties in Far Harad, or supervising the harrying of the Númenóreans. While I’m gone, I need someone to keep an eye on Kelly – so I recruited spies from amongst his people, mostly those jealous of his power and talent.

So yes, I’d be homicidally angry, except that Celebrimbor doesn’t know about PHASE TWO. If he had any idea of my Master Plan, he would have refused to create any rings in the first place. Now he will be betrayed by his own betrayal. Hoisted by his own petard.

Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Celebrimbor plans to gift one Ring to Galadriel (that should go over great with her husband) and another to Gil-Galad, keeping the third for himself. Nice way to elect yourself one of the Wise of Arda. Annatar approves.

As soon as the Rings are given, I will head straight to Mordor. Soon, all three will be my slaves. And then Sauron Gorthaur will RULE THE WORLD! BWA HA HA HA HA!

>Cough< Heh.

 

2 Responses to “#71: Nineteen Rings for the Elven-kings Under the Sky”

  1. Kelvardil Ingolmo says:

    19? Are there really that many elven lords? There should be, what, 4, maybe 5 kingdoms? Who’s going to be getting all of these?

  2. Goblin King says:

    Her vagina???!!!! .HAHAHAHAHA.

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